sound(s) of silence

so i have decided to be silent for a spell - close this window into me and listen to the sounds of my own inner stillness. i'll resurface in six months or so. that length of time is admittedly arbitrary, but i love plans. even if all of those best laid are only ephemeral illusions of control or gossamer impositions of order. i hope that six months will be sufficient time and space for something. what exactly, i'm not sure.

i tend to think that silence has many sounds, and i hope to observe them all. although this might be a challenge at the moment. i find myself unable to do yoga these days. and not only because lei feng gets in the way. i cannot seem to still my whirring mind and heart enough to practice in any real sense. and even when i try to compel myself to do so, i walk away before i even begin. so much for discipline as freedom.

speaking of lei feng, he seems to be slowly easing into his new life. he may not be a model comrade yet, but i am giving him time. he has one quality which i find completely baffling - he doesn't like beds. he in fact he will not go on the beds in my room or the guest room. this is baffling to me because it echos back to an ongoing debate i had with little trouble. during our many talks about expanding our menagerie of imaginary pets (pangpang the cat, trotsky the pig) to include a real pet, he expressed very hard line views about the places animals can occupy in a home. little trouble's pet policy in fact directly parallels china's "three no's" policy on taiwan. to wit: no taiwan independence; no two chinas or one china, one taiwan; and no taiwan membership in organizations where statehood is required. little trouble's three no's are: no kitties on the bed; no pets in the bedroom; and no kissing pets on the mouth. (i actually agree with little trouble's third "no".) when we would debate this, i argued that cats are independent-minded creatures who cannot be controlled or trained. and they love beds. therefore, i thought that the "no kitties on the bed" line was unrealistic. until i met lei feng. who is, apparently, a non-bed kitty. must be part of the modesty and altruism he has inherited from his namesake.

and with that nonsensical thought, i will say farewell and spare you further musings and magical thinking. i'll sign off with wisdom i once found on a shampoo bottle:

how you climb up the mountain is just as important as how you get down the mountain. and, so it is with life, which for many of us becomes one big gigantic test followed by one big gigantic lesson. in the end it all comes down to one word. grace. it's how you accept winning and losing, good luck and bad luck, the darkness and the light.