love after love

i am watching the sunset in bangkok. the orange pink of the sky over the river is rather embracing somehow. nice to feel embraced this evening, even if i am enjoying this particular sunset solo. and am in fact about to embark upon a solo holiday in koh samui. and am especially looking forward to it. i caught up with an old friend last night over a delightful dinner and he mentioned wanting to put me in touch with friends of his in koh samui. i found myself hesitating and feeling rather protective of my as yet unentered private space. even before i've arrived. but i consented to at least getting their contact information. i may end up finding myself bored with so much time on my own and may welcome a meal with others. SJ, this spectacular sunset just became even more breathtaking. i feel even more deeply embraced. i've endured the few days of this work conference, which were hardly embracing, so it's about time*. this conference was focused on regional efforts at improving environmental adjudication so was basically a collection of asian judges + me. there was one chinese judge participating, a woman i'd previously met through some of our programs. she doesn't really speak english, which resulted in my serving as an interpreter for a substantial portion of the past three days. it was tiring. i sometimes question the value of these regional forums as much time seems to be swallowed by descriptions of the circumstances in each country leaving little time to more deeply delve into issues of common concern or challenges or learning points. but so goes the world. i endured. and will soon be moving on. in more ways than one. i gave notice today. and accepted a new job. i ought to be sipping a cocktail called 'momentum' now. doing so at our housewarming party in may was perhaps premature. or not. that was perhaps the beginning of the arc of this particular rainbow.

and perhaps saying i've endured is a bit too much. there have been some lovely moments of late. watching a blue boat sail past and seeing a sundrenched old man enjoying a beer as he floated by. seeing a fish flip up and wave hello with a fin. eating amazing curry and mango sticky rice. laughing with an environmental judge from australia about moments of cultural relativism. and laughing even harder with my high school friend about our teenage antics. and angst. and merriment. and more. my how we've grown. and my how i have. of course in catching up on the last ten years i talked about heartache and trauma, disappointment and pain. but there was also so much joy and beauty and light and love. so much love. there always is. just below every surface, like the sweet fish who surprise splashed me hello. i found myself describing my enduring faith. especially my faith in love. even if for now i am only embraced by sunsets. every time that my heart is shattered, i respond by finding a way to continue to believe and be open-hearted. continue to love and give. and that is perhaps all one can ask of life. the opportunity to love, even after love. cher once sagely asked 'do you believe in love after love'?** i can unequivocally answer yes! onwards.



*it's also about time for a real embrace, but there's little to nothing i can do about that. and so.

**ok, so i know the line actually is 'do you believe in life after love', but i'm taking artistic license here. and besides, doesn't life = love?