embraced by grey skies

so i am safely ensconced back in beijing’s grey embrace. seriously i couldn’t believe how grey the sky was when i landed. why are the skies always so startling? you’d think i’d be used to it by now. but i am likewise always astounded by the outrageous and inviting blues overhead upon arriving in north america. maybe it’s simply the suddenly shift. there used to be so much more involved in travel – more time required, more preparations made, more challenges, more formal attire, more etiquette, more smoke – and as a result more time was typically spent wherever it was you were getting to. and all the time and energy necessary to do so made it all seem less sudden and the skies less strange. or maybe not. maybe i just don’t take the skies for granted anymore.

in any case, i am back in the northern capital and taking very little for granted. my sojourn under the blue skies was brief and hectic. activities included: networking at our global staff retreat, nephew cuddling, communing with family and friends, and pondering the great imponderables. i have returned feeling very blessed and determined to become ever more generous, less afraid, and always curious.

also, i am (finally!) reading kazantzakis’s report to greco and taking seriously his imperative ‘reach what you cannot!’ his dedication in the book is as follows:

THREE KINDS OF SOULS, THREE PRAYERS:

1 – I AM A BOW IN YOUR HANDS, LORD. DRAW ME, LEST I ROT.

2 – DO NOT OVERDRAW ME, LORD. I SHALL BREAK.

3 – OVERDRAW ME, LORD. AND WHO CARES IF I BREAK!

that about sums up how it is we conduct ourselves in this world. (how we balance the terror and the wonder!) i am the third kind of soul.

the staff retreat and conversations in DC have me thinking expansively about the rule of law / development / foreign policy and how china doesn’t fit into any theories. i am hoping to create some space to write and think about that in a more structured way.

meanwhile, the grey goes on. it’s good to be home. and though i already miss lei feng, he’s happier in northern virginia. he was a really impressive little traveler, in case you were curious. he only cried for 10.5 of the 13 hours on the beijing – dulles flight. i was really proud of him for pulling it together for a whole 2.5 hours at the end. mind, the constant crying ranged from barely audible mewing that only i could hear (he was under the seat in front of me) to full on wailing with fur flying, paws flailing, and a shaking carrier. it was quite a performance. really he was just acting the way we all feel when trapped on a plane for seemingly interminable stretches of time.

i am choosing to see these grey skies as replete with possibilities rather than pollution. and i have great expectations for this spring.